my own desires
by irrevocablybroken
Summary: (thor 2 spoilers) Now he only felt hatred towards those who tried to keep him from realizing what he was. He hated those who tried to convince him there was still good inside him.


_**A/N:**__ I have so many feels, so I'm just gonna stuff it all into fanfiction. Hopefully you guys won't hate me too much & will possibly drop a comment :) Without further ado, here we have something along the lines of a character study one shot inspired by Lorde's Everybody wants to rule the world, dedicated to my friend, who unknowingly helped me write this story._

_welcome to your life_

_there's no turning back_

xx

It started with a dull ache, morphing slowly into hatred, then finally acceptance. Having lived his whole life as a prince- a second prince, but royalty no less- one could only imagine the shock of finding out the truth behind the suspicions. He had always known he was different. That where his brother had strength and fame, he had magic and deception. That where his peers courted battle, he spent countless hours immersed in the extensive collection of books Asgard had to offer. Like any naïve child, he believed he was going to grow out of his quiet personality and become a true hero, like, in his eyes, his brother was.

The boy he'd believed was his brother, to be precise.

Upon his return from Jotunheim, he'd confronted the man he'd believed to be his father. It wasn't all that surprising when he was told the truth. He was disgusted. For a brief period of time, he wallowed in self-pity, imagining what he could have been if he hadn't been born a monster. Pathetic.

The boy soon began to understand there was nothing he could do without defying his true nature. He would die as the person he was born to be, and there was no doubt he'd learn to embrace it. Only when he did, he lost himself in the process.

xx

_it's my own desires_

_it's my own remorse_

xx

As any other villain, he soon discovered he would achieve nothing if he regretted his actions. He was his own king, and his own rules he would follow. He answered to nobody but himself. Whatever he desired found its way into his reach, whoever he wanted dead at his feet was there before they had a chance to ask what had happened to the little boy he had once been. Not once did he think twice before following his instincts, before embracing the darkness he was slowly succumbing to.

The prince was gone, replaced by a king. After all, it was his birthright. "Both of you were born to be kings," his not-father had once said, as he and his not-brother listened to the tales of the Realm Eternal. He had believed the lie. But he now understood why Thor was too weak for the crown- he was too kind, too merciful, too _remorseful_. A great leader would stop at nothing to get what he thought was best for his people and for him. No matter how big the sacrifice, no matter how many enemies lay slain at his feet, he would remain impassive. Once he succeeded, however, there would be no petty celebrations. This is where Thor went wrong. Satisfaction. Satisfaction was an empty, meaningless word, despite how ubiquitous it seemed. When people triumph, they feel satisfied. They are nothing but fools to him. A true champion had no need for such feelings, as he was certain he'd be victorious from the very start.

Any morals he might have had soon vanished. The traits he once found inspiring melted away into nothingness, replaced by a new goal. Wherever he went and whatever he did ended in victory. It was his greatest desire, and, for that, he had no remorse.

xx

_there's a room where light won't find you_

xx

In all honesty, he had no problem in leaving the life he knew behind. It wasn't exactly every man's dream- to live as the underdog. To his complete and utter surprise, there was, in fact, some_one_ he regretted to abandon. The one who had taught him everything he knew, the one who had accepted him for who he really was while Odin praised Thor on how wonderfully he could swing a hammer. She had helped him develop the skills he possessed, comforted him when he felt disheartened. She had always believed there was a glimmer of light left inside him, no matter how vicious his deeds were becoming. He never forcibly pushed her away, because, despite how hard it was for him to admit it, even to himself, he cared. He cared for the one who wasn't afraid to chastise him, to tell him his actions were wrong, cruel even, while reassuring him he could do better. That he was capable of redemption.

In the end, she was why he'd grown detached. The one person he didn't want to leave was the one holding him back. From his true nature, from his full potential. He'd tried so hard to snuff out the light Frigga had always managed to ignite in his blackening heart. She was his undoing, his sweetest downfall.

He wanted to feel relief when she died. He wanted to feel free, to feel powerful, like he'd always dreamed. Instead, he was broken. He was the broken little boy that used to come home crying to his mother after a fight. Except now, he had no one to run back to.

xx

Loki sat on the throne, finally victorious. He'd gotten everything he wanted.

Thor was finally pushed away, convinced his little brother was dead. He had spread word of the great sacrifice that the silver prince had made for the Nine Realms. In the end, Thor was proud. As much as Loki hated to admit it to himself, that was all he'd ever strived for- to be as good as Thor in the eyes of his father.

His father, who now lay six feet under.

Loki couldn't exactly blame himself, now could he? The throne was his calling, and he was bent on getting what he deserved. And was it not Odin, who, when the princes were children, said nothing was possible without sacrifice? He'd unknowingly made himself the obstacle, and Loki had done nothing other than eliminate it along the way.

_But for what?_

He felt no satisfaction.

He felt disgust.

Not at himself, no. He'd given up on feeling sorry for himself ages ago.

Now he only felt hatred towards those who tried to keep him from realizing what he was.

He hated those who tried to convince him there was still good inside him.

As if a monster was anything but darkness.

xx

_nothing ever lasts forever_

_everybody wants to rule the world_


End file.
